Guidebook.

Brimming with excitement, an explosion of emotion. Life brings with it tidings of fascinating adventures, an abundance of faces. Infinite occasions to look forward to, a million ways to traverse the world. Every itinerary leads you straight to me, each place you visit reminds you of us. For without the other half, our lives move at a snail's pace. Trivial are our conquests in romance, none the better with another than when we were together. We inquire about our partners, pondering the what ifs and what could have beens. Longing for our lover's touch, we lie in bed and stare out into space. A firework of thoughts, blinding our sense of sight yet illuminating the way to what should be done. 

So said the speaker.

Appa.

I know i've never lived up to your "Korean son" expectation of me. To be honest, i doubt i ever will and it saddens me beyond words. You said you hated tattoos and those people on Miami Ink had to be absolutely crazy to get that much tattoos done, and yet i went and got myself tattooed anyway. I still remember the morning when you found out about mine, the look of disappointment on your face, the loss of words at my impulsive behaviour. I'll remember it till the day i die, and the regret of my silly actions might just be the cause of my death. 

You had it tough, growing up in rural Korea where even a simple egg was hard to come by. I recall all the stories you told me about your boxer Dad bringing home food that was back then, almost impossible to get for a family of your status. You had a rough upbringing, and that's why you're so strict with my siblings and i. We totally understand that, and i speak up for them. It's just that sometimes i hate being a half-Korean kid you know? How many a times i wished Omma never married you. How many a times i prayed so hard that you'd just go back to America and leave us alone. 

Stupidity, that's all i have to say to myself for such mean thoughts. 

I'm sorry i used the F word on you the last time we fought. It's just that children under strict regulations from their parents can go down 2 roads ; either we become good children and obey you guys or we turn into little demons rebelling against the laws of your house. Sad to say, i fall under the category of the latter. 

I love all the times when we were younger and we went cycling together every weekend, or the fruitful fishing trips to Bedok Jetty. Or just sitting in the truck you used to have listening to the radio. I love everything we used to have, and i really want to experience all that again. Just one more time and my life would be complete. We hardly talk nowadays, you're always under so much stress from work and i'm always either on the comp or not at home at all. I never spared a thought for you and i'm sorry. I'm a disappointment i bet you wished you never had a piece of crap son like me, i'm confident you wanted a son who could speak fluent Korean and play golf with you in Johor. 

I'm not one to regret, not at all. But being a son as i am, i feel the greatest regret of any child. 

Omma once said, "Children are supposed to be the greatest joy to their parents." And i totally ignored her. Now those words weigh as heavy as a thousand anvils in my mind. 

If Omma hadn't told me, i wouldn't have known you were 60 this year. But now i know, and now i'm saying though you'll never read this. 

Happy Birthday Appa, i love you more than any other son loves their Dad in the world.

Yours Mischieviously,

Christian.

P.S. : Although i'm trying to cut the flow of disappointment, it will come soon. In the form of your son not following your wishes and migrating to the States with you. For that you have my thousand apologies. 

Valiant.

Subtle as she was, there always seemed to be a mean streak in her. One that was only evident when she felt the world was turning everyone against her and that she was no longer queen. When she flared up, even those whom she considered friends shunned her for fear of being struck down. All except that one boy, shy in his demeanor yet so chivalrous and brave when it came to calming the storm that was her. Lightning never struck the same place twice, until now. Battered and bruised, he continued on his way to showing her he was truly a friend, not another one of those boys who claimed to be men. Pathetic beings from another planet, she so claimed. 

And as she rampaged on, devastating those around her with a fury of such horrendous proportions that soon she was locked up. With the key to her cell lost forever, how then could that little boy save his fiery princess? Inside that miniscule jail cell, she pondered endlessly. Her dearest friends, the family she once loved. All devoured by her overwhelming rage at the world, now she would never feel the warmth of her Mother's hands on her cheek, the raspy voice of her Father when he came home was lost forever. 

Then, arrived this innocent boy.

She shone like the stars that guided lost sailors in the dark of night. For in his eyes, her beauty and grace was second to none. Her radiance illuminated his world, blinding him for an instant. Then like a vacuum, everything was lost and infront of him sat the ugliest and foulest creature he had ever met. Yet, she was the same girl. The same damsel that had left so early in his life, seeking adventure surrounded by men with gold. She remembered him, vividly. But she didn't have the courage to look at him, she felt ashamed and defiled. 

As she watched him pick at the lock so fervently, her vision blurred and she shuddered wildly. Convulsions not of death but of utter surprise and elation. This boy, one she before this moment had not even so much as greeted was now a knight. So gallant in his attempt to free her from the clutches of her dictators. 

Outrage, enormity and turpitude of affection was now - gone. 

Totaled.

Right so the other day, i can't remember which, i tagged along with Syed and his team of soccer fanatics to Bukit Merah Secondary School where we pitted our skills against team Jubilee. Compared to their well organised and extremely effective team, ours was in disarray and needed serious buffing up of immense proportions. 

Their players knew exactly what they had to do, which position suited their playing style the most while our team was a make-shift and last minute one. I'm a natural right legged player, i tend to play defensively and i'm always inclined to making hard tackles without so much as a thought for my own safety. I haven't got the skill nor speed that is associated with strikers or wingers. So by playing in a left midfield role, our team was sorely outplayed and we were literally thrashed. The referee certainly didn't help our team one bit by red-carding both Han Bin and Theodore, players that were essential to our team.

So yea, we lost. Big deal. We'll win another day. 

Then again, 2-5 isn't that bad when it's 8 vs 10.

Lights.

Droplets, droplets of gold,
Where were you when we needed you most?
I've got a hole, in me now,
I cry out baby, baby why you frown.

Reflections of you and me,
In and amongst the crowd of Madison,
Your red and my yellow,
You're the queen and i'm your rebel.

Seems like i've already lost you,
Ran with the wind that stole from me,
I remember the way you posed and i reveled,
I called, think your phone's gone dead too.

Ohhhh, i'm planting these trees of light,
So you can see them when i'm done,
Get the message from wherever you are,
You're mine and no other kids' gonna' have you.

I wake up feeling like every other morning before,
What did you ever see in me that others ignored,
Swirling around, i'm just a planet without a subtle core,
Hearing voices telling me i'm still a kid.

Ohhhh, i'm planting these trees of light,
So you can see them when i'm done,
Get the message from wherever you are,
You're mine and no other kids' gonna' have you.

Ohhhh, i'm planting these trees of light,
So you can see them when i'm done,
Get the message from wherever you are,
You're mine and no other kids' gonna' have you.

Ohhhh, i'm, your, kid.

MacBook.

I want and will buy a Macbook Air!

Plain.

Giving my Filet-O-Fish meal to some random and raggard old man felt really satisfying with a tinge of confidence at the sides. Confident that i can make a change, no matter how small or insignificant it might be. Walking home after purchasing my meal, i happened to chance upon an old man sitting a stone's throw from my house. I noticed immediately that he was eyeing my food, and pretty intensely too. I stopped and looked directly at him, and he became wary, afraid i was gonna' hurt him. I walked over and inquired in chinese if he wanted some McDonalds and he nodded furiously. Leaving him to his new meal and many thanks, i decided i would go home and prepare myself some instant noodles. $6.45 is nothing compared to helping someone who's unfortunate that the bad karma of this world doesn't leave him.

Right after work, i headed to the Starbucks outlet directly opposite of Chijmes. I've been frequenting there after every event. So much so that the girl there recognizes me and starts making my drink, Mocha Frapp, as soon as she sees me. Truth be told, she's the reason why i go to buy a drink there. Girls don't have to be extremely beautiful, they don't even have to be pretty. But some have that charm that attracts, the simple alluring scent of serenity. I'm pretty sure she's in the same situation that i am, waiting for Poly to start while working to earn some extra pocket money. Even the other malay guy at that outlet knows what i buy everytime i'm there. The world is so vast, yet 3 minutes spent in the presence of another and you're etched into the memory of another being.

Someone like you, but with a lil' more attitude.

Moonstruck.

Dreams are the weirdest things.

Mine went something like this. It was always dark, there never seemed to be any light at all. Except the faint flicker of flames from tiny lamps that hung from trees all over the island. Don't ask me why it's an island because i do not know, but i do know that i couldn't get off that island no matter how hard i tried. There were like trees all over the place, planted in weird patterns and they were all droopy and hung really low. Like humans when they got old and started to slouch. The atmosphere was kinda' like that scene in Harry Potter, don't know which one, where the students were seated in those wooden boats and rowing across that eerie and placid lake towards Hogwarts Castle. Okay fast forward please.

I was some sort of a prisoner, being held captive by those people on the island. My memory's slightly fuzzy, like it always is when i try to recall my dreams. The most significant thing from my dream is that Jonan, was on the island with me. Don't ask me why, and i have to stress this very important point once again. I am not gay, no screw you. The things here is, i've had this dream before, but without Jonan in it. So when i had it again, i knew how to get off the island. It was a serious case of Deja Vu for me. Fast forward again, in the end we got off the island via this weird Stargate device that teleported us elsewhere. Elswhere i can't remember.

Jude.

You tell me your life's a jumble of cornflakes turning in a hamster's wheel, not even your favourite roller coaster ride can set it straight. The lift carrying just the two of us up to your front door, where the your hilarious plants, Kevin and Kelvin, are not blooming like they used to. It saddens your heart. You tell me you found god, squatting by the roadside watching traffic, nonchalantly smoking a cigarette without a care in the world, without any care for you. You tell me your fear of the Singapore Flyer is taking control of your life, like a leech that crawled through your ear and into your brain cavity while you were dreaming of firemen in police uniforms behind the wheel of Comfort cabs. Your worst fear is that of you dying in your sleep beside me, if we happen to get married, and me waking up to find you gone. You tell me everything's fine, like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and that we'll live forever and we'll both glitter and sparkle under sunlight. That however my dear, contradicts your worst fear. But then again, i'll never understand girls.

All's fine though, you're here.

Repudiate.

The stark reality is, my family is migrating to the United States very soon. That's the worst place to go, they have hurricanes with feminine names that rip apart entire states, making homeless millions of Americans. Hell has no fury like a woman's scorn huh? They have the equivalent of NTUCs that are the size Vivo City, which you have to admit, is very intimidating for miniscule Singaporeans like me. I read somewhere that on their roads, car accidents happen every 12 seconds, that's alot of scrap metal to build those NASA spacecrafts that get an annual funding of an amount commoners like us cannot even begin to comprehend. Then there are those campus massacres that cut short the "I aspire to be the next President" hopes of many students studying at institutes of education that become epitomes of fear and failure, all these happening every few months at various schools nationwide. Not to mention the millions of schizophrenics, senile demensia grandmas, cerebral palsy grandpas, crazy serial rapists, dumb cheerleaders and brainless quarterbacks.

What i'm trying to get across to you, and my Dad, is that i want to stay right here. In Singapore. He thinks just because he is the man of the house he can pack us in the luggage and ship us off to a foreign land, well i don't agree. I wanna' start school in April, meet new people, study new subjects. I don't want no gunman holding me hostage at a petrol station or some gay pervert stalking me after soccer practice. Right here, where my friends are. Where i'll buy my Grandma a bungalow, not 18742 miles away on another continent. Singapore might be one helluva shithole with exaggerated tax rates and useless policemen but that pales in comparison to everything else. Think about it, we get so much more oxygen compared to elsewhere where it's just a concrete jungle. We don't have to get our hands dirty because our government is so adept at what it does best ; luring foreign workers such as Muhindra Ganesh Sindra and that other random indian dude calling his Filipino girlfriend. I want to stay put.

Okay i've babbled too much,
Bye.

Trivial.

So much controversy surrounding the Edison Chen sex scandal that someone like me, a social ghost, has caught wind of all that nonsense. Like honestly, you actresses blame him for somehow allowing those photos to be leaked when it's actually yourselves you have to blame. Why screw a guy and have pictures taken? Maybe you don't get enough publicity or maybe you're trying to reach the infamous fame of Pamela Anderson and Paris Hilton? You girls, not women, should seriously quit whining already. There was no way he could have forced you to have those pictures taken, or it'd be an outrage of modesty/sexual assault case in full bloom. Since it was by your own consent, he shouldn't be blamed. And i know more than one Edison Chen fanatic out there might sorely disagree with me but who gives a shit. You wanna' sleep with him and go all hi-baby-let's-do-a-porno on me then by all means. No one cares at all, except maybe the chinese press and tabloids.

Cry all you want girls, trivial much?

Liverpool.

Superlative, a fitting word in all aspects to describe Liverpool's travels to Old Trafford. A 4-1 defeat of Manchester United that leaves ajar the door to the Premier League title, ensuring that the Reds of Merseyside are still contenders to the English title although Sir Alex Ferguson and his men are still the favourites to equal Liverpool's long standing record of 18 league titles. This week has been an absolute fairytale for Rafa Benitez and his players. First the merciless shredding at Anfield of arguably the most successful football club in European club competitions, Real Madrid, led by the all time Champions League top-scorer Raul Gonzalez up front. Taking a deserved 0-1 away lead from the Bernabeu, many expected Liverpool to sit back and defend the reverse fixture at home. They were to be sorely disappointed if that was the expectation they had of the Reds because the 11 man squad led by influential midfielder and skipper Steven Gerrard started the match with all guns blazing. Running wild on the pitch and cruising to a 2-0 lead at half-time that all but put to bed Real's hope of qualifying for the Quarter-finals ; something the 9 time champions of Europe have failed to achieve for the past 4 seasons. The decisive blow was struck 2 minutes after the restart, with the skipper volleying past Real's Iker Casillas to make the score 3-0. Prior to the matches against Liverpool, Real Madrid under new coach Juande Ramos had won nine consecutive matches on the trot, reviving their hopes of retaining the Spanish title. There was to be no sign of that revival at Anfield as Benitez' men picked Real to pieces, adding the finishing touches on a historical night as the most unlikely of scorers, Andrea Dossena, came off the bench to make it 4-0. Had it not been for Real's goalkeeper and Spanish international Iker Casillas in goal, the victory could have been the most remarkable in the history of the Champions League.

No hangovers were evident from that extraordinary night at Anfield as Liverpool replicated the feat at Old Trafford, destroying the red devils with the same efficiency and eye-for-goal that saw the Merseysiders collect all three points and their biggest win over their bitter rivals since 1963. The Red Devils went infront courtesy of Jose Reina who brought down Park Ji-Sung, leading to a penalty which the iconic Cristiano Ronaldo duly dispatched of. But some slack defending from Nemanja Vidic and Patrice Evra gifted Liverpool's men 2 goals before the interval. Goalscorers from 4 days before, Fernando Torres and Steven Gerrard scored the first and second respectively. Victory was sealed with Brazilian Fabio Aurellio's left-footed free kick that hit the back of the United net with Van der Sar rooted to the spot on 76 minutes. Once again, Andrea Dossena added icing on the cake with a sublime lob shot that beat Van der Sar and capped off a wonderful week for Liverpool, much to the dismay of their bewildered opponents. Though some might claim that the manner of the goals Liverpool scored were due to uncharacteristic errors from United's players, the spirit and work ethic of Rafa's men were definitely in play, thus leading to a win.

Liverpool displayed an attacking prowess in these two matches that was unmatched and unrelenting, something which has come under much criticism of late because many claim Liverpool lack the confidence to commit men forward. Having completed the double over both Chelsea and Manchester United, Liverpool have come up short against many of the "smaller sides" in English football. So you would think for the Scousers to continue along the road of success and triumph, they would need to keep key players like Fernando Torres and Steven Gerrard 100% fit all the time.

The chase for the English Premier League is yet to conclude, as is the hunt for the elusive Champions League trophy. Surely the strategic Rafael Benitez will do his utmost best to lead Liverpool to glory once again.

- a proud Liverpudlian, always.

Epicphail.

On a day of umpteen wine glasses and hordes of famished Australians all crammed together, a marvel i did not hear the stinging sound of glass shattering into jagged fragments. Sad truth is, i break at least one thing every event at Chijmes.

What do you get when you have almost 300 millionaire Aussies, 5000 bottles of Tiger Beer, 180 bottles of wine and a live band all at Chijmes? Actually the outcome isn't all that fancy, just loads of wasted beer, electricity enough to power Manhattan for 1 day and very sore feet from all that walking. Then again, there's enough leftover food to feed every staff 10 times over, so it isn't that bad. Was hoping to work over-time till 6am, but the slots were taken up as usual.

I swear to god all whites look the same. I can't differentiate one from another. There's twins, triplets, quadruplets, quintuplets.. octuplets and then there's 3067290847242plets. Yes, that's how similar all these Australians look like.

You : "Hey mate, looking good Jimmy. How's Karen?"
Jimmy : "She's been great, taking care of the kids at home now."
*comes back after getting a beer*
You : "Those bushfires have been real bad aye Jimmy?"
David : "Huh?"

The theme of this event was "Friday the 13th", so from every tree hung cobwebs and silly plastic spiders that wouldn't fool a half-blind autistic 2 year old toddler. Machines from which oozed out fog to smother everyone in mist. Epic failure from the purple lighting to create a spooky and halloween-like atmosphere, better technicians and event planners next time around please, thank you. If i'm not mistaken, there were 2 Friday the 13th this year right?

Oh did i mention my moron-of-a-colleague tried to pick up dry ice with his fingers? I'm sure your immense powers of imagination can conjure up the look on his face when he did. And your profound book of words can replicate the profanities that came flying out of his mouth when he did. Epic phail, hah.

Shit.

Shit Happens.

Taoism - "if you understand shit, it isn't shit"
Hinduism - "this shit happened before"
Confucianism - "confucious say 'shit happens' "
Buddhism - "shit will happen to you again"
Zen - "what is the sound of shit happening?"
Islam - "if shit happens it is the will of Allah"
Sikhism - "leave our shit alone"
Jehova's Witness - "knock knock, shit happens"
Atheism - "i don't believe this shit"
Agnosticism - "can you prove that shit happens?"
Catholicism - "if shit happens, you deserve it"
Protestantism - "shit happens, amen to that"
Judaism - "why does the shit always happen to us?"
Orthodox Judaism - "so shit happens, already"
Televangelism - "send money or shit will happen to you"
Rastafarianism - "let's smoke this shit"
Hare Krishna - "shit happens rama rama"
Nation of Islam - "don't take no shit"
New Age - "visualise shit happening"
Shintoism - "you inherit the shit of your ancestors"
Hedonism - "i love it when shit happens"
Satanism - "sneppah tihs"
Capitalism - "this is MY shit"
Feminism - "men are shit"
Existentialism - "what is shit, anyway?"
Scientology - "if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137"
Mormonism - "excrement happens" (don't say shit)
Baptism - we'll wash the shit right off you"
Voodoo - shit doesn't just happen - we made it happen"
Wicca - "you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times"
Disneyism - bad shit doesn't happen here"
Communism - "let's share the shit"
Marxism - "you have nothing to lose but your shit"
Conspiracy Theorism - "THEY shit on us"
Psycho-Analysis - "tell me about your shit"
Darwinism - "survival of the shittiest"
Amish - "modern shit is useless"
Suicidal - "i've had enough of this shit"
Optimism - "shit won't happen to me"
Trekism - "to boldly shit where no-one has shit before"
Shakespearean - "to shit or not to shit, that is the question"
Descartes - "i shit therefore i am"
Freud - "shit is a phallic symbol"
Lawyers - "for enough money, i can get you out of shit"
Acupuncturist - "hold still or this will hurt like shit"
Dog - "i just shit in your shoe"
Cat - "dogs are shit"
Mouse - "oh shit! a cat!"
Politically Correct - internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens"
Einstein - "shit is relative"
Family Gathering - "relatives are shit"
Materialism - "whoever dies with the most shit, wins"
Vegetarianism - "if it happens to shit, don't eat it"
Fatalism - "oh shit, it's going to happen"
Environmentalism - "shit is biodegradable"
Statistician - "shit is 84.7% likely to happen"
Hip-Hop - "motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!"
Tantrism - "fuck this shit"
Cynicsm - "we are all full of shit"
Surrealism - fish happens"

Vicissitude.

The winds of fortune, don't blow the same anymore. I seem to have fallen out of grace with lady luck, blessings no longer make me the envy of the world. This empire i used to govern, now rebel against my every whim. Legions upon legions of men under my command, only curse my very existence and spit at my feet. Allegiances that once stood like concrete towers, crumble under the stench of traitors with gold. Once a cordially invited guest of the gods at their residence, now a mortal left to lead the life of the dying. King of the universe, thrown into the pits where rabid dogs snap at my heel.

Deep inside your soul lies a golden harp that only ever hums for you and you alone. You think you're everyone's baby but sadly, we can breathe without you dear. How great the change huh?

Exhilaration.

The feelings that jolt my senses when i see old faces with new hairstyles, is almost impossible to explain. Nothing beats hanging out with these old acquaintances, only best friends come close. The memories surround us like an evening fog, reminiscing about the days when we were classmates who did everything under the sun in school.

Add beach football to all that is like adding butter to bread, absolutely wonderful. 10 - 7, the final score. With me destroying my glasses in the process, thanks ah Yen Soon! No hard feelings though, i'd let you kick a soccer ball from 1m away into my face everyday if it means our class gets together every month or so.

Special thanks to everyone who bothered to put aside your plans and turn up. In order of who i saw first : Min Hui, Kim Siew, Hanis, Suriana, Terence, Yen Soon, Michael, Bernard, Yan Xiang, Alex, Darryl, Guo Xin, Michelle and Jaena. I sincerely hope each and everyone of you enjoyed yourself.

Now all that's left before we go our seperate routes towards a new life is the "April's Fool Barbeque". As the name suggests, it's on the 1st of April. I'm making sure everyone turns up.. hopefully.

Friends are actually all a kid(at heart) needs.

Flawless.

My life's resolution.

1. Buy my Grandmother a bungalow with a garden so she'll fulfill her dream of planting her very own flowers.

2. Make my parents the proudest parents any child could ever have.

3. Get married to my wife with the setting sun illuminating the background in a splash of orange and blue on a cliff by the sea.

4. Tell my Dad i love him like no other son loves their dad.

5. Lay on a large open field at night and gaze carelessly at the stars.



Love is always patient and kind, it is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceded. It is never rude or selfish, it does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sin but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure, whatever comes.

Nincompoop.

Doing floor is like, crap please. You have to serve customers with a stick-on smile and act as if you love your job like Denise loves Britney. Which actually isn't alot of love to be honest. So many of them mumble to themselves when they're ordering. You bloody buffoon, i'm pretty tall and sound doesn't travel all that well upwards. Be grateful i'm not spitting gobs of mucus into your clam chowder when i pick it up from kitchen.

A thumbprint on a goblet isn't gonna' give you prostrate cancer or herpes either, so don't make us change your wine glass until you've satisfied your own perverted obsession with cleanliness. It's gonna' have your stains after you hold it anyway. Don't complain to management that there's a tiny hair in your chicken chop, then refuse an entirely new plate when we graciously offer another. We aren't dogs that shed you simpleton. How many times have you seen an ant in your glass of water and downed it in end, ant and all.

Don't whine about the lack of toilets too. Can't control your bowels like a diabetic? Eat at a hawker centre you moron, they've got many cubicles for nature's call. Heck you can even pay 10 cents per entry for all i care. You guys come, get all serious about eating then realise happy hour's over and the alcohol prices are all higher, then leave. If you don't have sufficient cash to order a jug of Tiger at $26 then go to a coffee shop where some 50 year old woman with tattoos on her ankles in a skimpy miniskirt will serve you. I bet they have air-con blowing and they serve you popcorn complimentary of the beer too.

You fussy bastards deserve to get shot. Like with a machine gun.

Maelstrom.

Not everything has to rhyme, not everything has to be civilized. We could drown in our personal elation amidst utter chaos and devastation.

Here goes,

You grab my hand and with the strength of a hundred million suns, you lift me to my feet.

The moonlight makes your mischief glow like the fireflies around us. I race you to the waterside and you shove me in, screaming with primal delight.

Diving in, i catch but a fleeting glance of what you were when we first met. Changed you have, into more than i ever dared dream of, much more than i could ever comprehend.

I'm just a kid, a naive rebel with no sense of direction, a lone figure in the distance. What could i have done that the gods saw fit to bestow upon me an angel of infinites?

The Belle of the Ball, she is.

Our lips touch. Like the collision of two planets in space, the energy a from a dying star. Even in the dark, i can see how happy you are.

In your atmosphere, everything else pales in comparison. Not even the nightingales from which come forth melodies that sooth the soul nor the grass that flows like water with each subtle breeze. The smells, oh the fragrances! Bottle them i would, for you i would battle the giant and slay every dragon. The fairies whisper, jubilance etched in their voices. The great pines shiver, not because autumn is in session but because never have they seen beauty that comes close to rivaling yours.

Howling agreements that travel for miles, the wolves nod in approval of the wise oaks.

Droplets plummet to the ground as we leave the lake together, our footsteps a rehearsed dance. Even our heartbeats are in sync. It reverberates all around, creating the symphony for the universe. The stars converge, the rendezvous which is you.

Swirling is a maelstrom of toys, little fire engines and planes. The children squeal with overwhelming excitement. They throw their arms around your neck and swear to never let go.

The philosophers have no explanation, the deities baffled. The aura mesmerizes, like a spellbinding trance. Your aura, a meditation soothing the heart.

My heart.

Coldplay.

28th February.

I just watched Batman : The Dark Knight. It's 5.27am and i'm typing this on the Notebook application in my iPhone. The time just jumped and now it's 5.28am. The volume of the song playing on my speakers is lowered to 2, so i won't disturb my brother sleeping above me. It's 5.29am now. Clocks by Coldplay is fading and soon, Fix You will start. It's started now. 5.30am, when tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace, could it be worse? I hate this feeling, i hate it i hate it. 5.31am, high up above or down below, when you're too in love to let it go but if you never try then you'll never know just what you were. I can't sleep, i can hear the fan blowing. 5.32am, i will try to fix you. Who am i kidding huh? I really really want you, all these movies just makes the feeling pulsate through my heart, my brain. Fix You is still playing, tears stream down your face when you lose something you can't replace, tears stream down your face and iiiiiiiiii, tears stream down your face, i promise you i will learn from my mistakes. 5.33am, lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. I want to fix this, bring all those feelings back, frame them up. Don't you get it, i don't want anyone else. They'll never be as great as you. The feeling's gone now, it comes and goes like my breath. Now i don't want you back.

I hope you read this, i hope you understand. You never will. 5.36am, but i wait for it.

5.38am, now now.

Life in Technicolour II. I just wanna' hug you, you know? I just want a blizzard to freeze us over. Every night there the headlights are glowing. Baby it's a violent world. I really want for us to be statues, cemented to the spot and our bodies immortalized. But i'll still be able to feel you. 5.41am, time came creeping. Every road is a ray of light. And you me. Oh love don't let me go, won't you take me where the street lights glow. 5.42am, now my feet won't touch the ground. We'd feel each other, just feel each other. Pour our souls out and just hug, forever and ever and ever. I'd kiss you if possible. I really hate this feeling.

Just because i'm hurting, doesn't mean i'm hurt, doesn't mean i didn't get what i deserve. I remember everything i can, but some i still lose.

A glance at the time, 5.44am.

Thank god for Coldplay, every river that you tried to cross, every gun you ever held went off. 5.45am.

Done.