Guidebook.

Brimming with excitement, an explosion of emotion. Life brings with it tidings of fascinating adventures, an abundance of faces. Infinite occasions to look forward to, a million ways to traverse the world. Every itinerary leads you straight to me, each place you visit reminds you of us. For without the other half, our lives move at a snail's pace. Trivial are our conquests in romance, none the better with another than when we were together. We inquire about our partners, pondering the what ifs and what could have beens. Longing for our lover's touch, we lie in bed and stare out into space. A firework of thoughts, blinding our sense of sight yet illuminating the way to what should be done. 

So said the speaker.

Appa.

I know i've never lived up to your "Korean son" expectation of me. To be honest, i doubt i ever will and it saddens me beyond words. You said you hated tattoos and those people on Miami Ink had to be absolutely crazy to get that much tattoos done, and yet i went and got myself tattooed anyway. I still remember the morning when you found out about mine, the look of disappointment on your face, the loss of words at my impulsive behaviour. I'll remember it till the day i die, and the regret of my silly actions might just be the cause of my death. 

You had it tough, growing up in rural Korea where even a simple egg was hard to come by. I recall all the stories you told me about your boxer Dad bringing home food that was back then, almost impossible to get for a family of your status. You had a rough upbringing, and that's why you're so strict with my siblings and i. We totally understand that, and i speak up for them. It's just that sometimes i hate being a half-Korean kid you know? How many a times i wished Omma never married you. How many a times i prayed so hard that you'd just go back to America and leave us alone. 

Stupidity, that's all i have to say to myself for such mean thoughts. 

I'm sorry i used the F word on you the last time we fought. It's just that children under strict regulations from their parents can go down 2 roads ; either we become good children and obey you guys or we turn into little demons rebelling against the laws of your house. Sad to say, i fall under the category of the latter. 

I love all the times when we were younger and we went cycling together every weekend, or the fruitful fishing trips to Bedok Jetty. Or just sitting in the truck you used to have listening to the radio. I love everything we used to have, and i really want to experience all that again. Just one more time and my life would be complete. We hardly talk nowadays, you're always under so much stress from work and i'm always either on the comp or not at home at all. I never spared a thought for you and i'm sorry. I'm a disappointment i bet you wished you never had a piece of crap son like me, i'm confident you wanted a son who could speak fluent Korean and play golf with you in Johor. 

I'm not one to regret, not at all. But being a son as i am, i feel the greatest regret of any child. 

Omma once said, "Children are supposed to be the greatest joy to their parents." And i totally ignored her. Now those words weigh as heavy as a thousand anvils in my mind. 

If Omma hadn't told me, i wouldn't have known you were 60 this year. But now i know, and now i'm saying though you'll never read this. 

Happy Birthday Appa, i love you more than any other son loves their Dad in the world.

Yours Mischieviously,

Christian.

P.S. : Although i'm trying to cut the flow of disappointment, it will come soon. In the form of your son not following your wishes and migrating to the States with you. For that you have my thousand apologies. 

Valiant.

Subtle as she was, there always seemed to be a mean streak in her. One that was only evident when she felt the world was turning everyone against her and that she was no longer queen. When she flared up, even those whom she considered friends shunned her for fear of being struck down. All except that one boy, shy in his demeanor yet so chivalrous and brave when it came to calming the storm that was her. Lightning never struck the same place twice, until now. Battered and bruised, he continued on his way to showing her he was truly a friend, not another one of those boys who claimed to be men. Pathetic beings from another planet, she so claimed. 

And as she rampaged on, devastating those around her with a fury of such horrendous proportions that soon she was locked up. With the key to her cell lost forever, how then could that little boy save his fiery princess? Inside that miniscule jail cell, she pondered endlessly. Her dearest friends, the family she once loved. All devoured by her overwhelming rage at the world, now she would never feel the warmth of her Mother's hands on her cheek, the raspy voice of her Father when he came home was lost forever. 

Then, arrived this innocent boy.

She shone like the stars that guided lost sailors in the dark of night. For in his eyes, her beauty and grace was second to none. Her radiance illuminated his world, blinding him for an instant. Then like a vacuum, everything was lost and infront of him sat the ugliest and foulest creature he had ever met. Yet, she was the same girl. The same damsel that had left so early in his life, seeking adventure surrounded by men with gold. She remembered him, vividly. But she didn't have the courage to look at him, she felt ashamed and defiled. 

As she watched him pick at the lock so fervently, her vision blurred and she shuddered wildly. Convulsions not of death but of utter surprise and elation. This boy, one she before this moment had not even so much as greeted was now a knight. So gallant in his attempt to free her from the clutches of her dictators. 

Outrage, enormity and turpitude of affection was now - gone. 

Totaled.

Right so the other day, i can't remember which, i tagged along with Syed and his team of soccer fanatics to Bukit Merah Secondary School where we pitted our skills against team Jubilee. Compared to their well organised and extremely effective team, ours was in disarray and needed serious buffing up of immense proportions. 

Their players knew exactly what they had to do, which position suited their playing style the most while our team was a make-shift and last minute one. I'm a natural right legged player, i tend to play defensively and i'm always inclined to making hard tackles without so much as a thought for my own safety. I haven't got the skill nor speed that is associated with strikers or wingers. So by playing in a left midfield role, our team was sorely outplayed and we were literally thrashed. The referee certainly didn't help our team one bit by red-carding both Han Bin and Theodore, players that were essential to our team.

So yea, we lost. Big deal. We'll win another day. 

Then again, 2-5 isn't that bad when it's 8 vs 10.

Lights.

Droplets, droplets of gold,
Where were you when we needed you most?
I've got a hole, in me now,
I cry out baby, baby why you frown.

Reflections of you and me,
In and amongst the crowd of Madison,
Your red and my yellow,
You're the queen and i'm your rebel.

Seems like i've already lost you,
Ran with the wind that stole from me,
I remember the way you posed and i reveled,
I called, think your phone's gone dead too.

Ohhhh, i'm planting these trees of light,
So you can see them when i'm done,
Get the message from wherever you are,
You're mine and no other kids' gonna' have you.

I wake up feeling like every other morning before,
What did you ever see in me that others ignored,
Swirling around, i'm just a planet without a subtle core,
Hearing voices telling me i'm still a kid.

Ohhhh, i'm planting these trees of light,
So you can see them when i'm done,
Get the message from wherever you are,
You're mine and no other kids' gonna' have you.

Ohhhh, i'm planting these trees of light,
So you can see them when i'm done,
Get the message from wherever you are,
You're mine and no other kids' gonna' have you.

Ohhhh, i'm, your, kid.

MacBook.

I want and will buy a Macbook Air!

Plain.

Giving my Filet-O-Fish meal to some random and raggard old man felt really satisfying with a tinge of confidence at the sides. Confident that i can make a change, no matter how small or insignificant it might be. Walking home after purchasing my meal, i happened to chance upon an old man sitting a stone's throw from my house. I noticed immediately that he was eyeing my food, and pretty intensely too. I stopped and looked directly at him, and he became wary, afraid i was gonna' hurt him. I walked over and inquired in chinese if he wanted some McDonalds and he nodded furiously. Leaving him to his new meal and many thanks, i decided i would go home and prepare myself some instant noodles. $6.45 is nothing compared to helping someone who's unfortunate that the bad karma of this world doesn't leave him.

Right after work, i headed to the Starbucks outlet directly opposite of Chijmes. I've been frequenting there after every event. So much so that the girl there recognizes me and starts making my drink, Mocha Frapp, as soon as she sees me. Truth be told, she's the reason why i go to buy a drink there. Girls don't have to be extremely beautiful, they don't even have to be pretty. But some have that charm that attracts, the simple alluring scent of serenity. I'm pretty sure she's in the same situation that i am, waiting for Poly to start while working to earn some extra pocket money. Even the other malay guy at that outlet knows what i buy everytime i'm there. The world is so vast, yet 3 minutes spent in the presence of another and you're etched into the memory of another being.

Someone like you, but with a lil' more attitude.